I am glad that professor gave me some good comments about my essay. My grammar is still a big problem. I still need to do more proofreading. I am glad I have my first paragraph well follow the PIE structure, but I kind of carried away afterwards. I will need to more focus on keep doing the PIE structure, for example, try to put topic sentence at first in the paragraph and then well explain. Of course, when I explain I should prevent the fallacies in my essays. I should make sure understand the desired focus of the essay.
Even the essay was not perfect, I am glad I in the process of improving. Hopefully I could get better and better. I love this process, I think it is good practice.
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